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Post by Jocelyn Hideaki on Mar 12, 2009 14:49:33 GMT 9
  but committed no crimeAND BAD MISTAKES, I'VE MADE A FEWI've had my share of sand kicked in my faceBUT I'VE COME THROUGH
Jocelyn Hideaki had been sitting at the edge of her bed for almost an hour, and she had decided she was wasting time. She was still worrying over the fact of what she had done a few weeks ago. Her thoughts were all over the place, but she was determined to think that this was the right choice. She was really sure it was. She's been playing with the idea of leaving Elliot for a long time now, and she couldn't live her life like this. This was what's better for him. She was not being selfish in this situation. She hoped she wasn't. She just couldn't live like this and couldn't let him live like that. Could she really watch him grow old while she stayed in her damned young-hood? She was still confused about it all, and she constantly annoyed with her friends about it all, even Elliot's own sister. She had just sent her a text, and the reply wasn't very helpful, but Jo agreed with her. There was nothing to be done.
So here she was, sitting in her car, her hands on the wheels and her foot pressed rather hard on the pedal. The gray jeep was open, air whipped past her head and through her hair as she drove always a little to fast. She wasn't sure where she was going, but she needed to escape the prison in her head. What is one to do when they enter single-hood when they've been in a relationship for three years? She couldn't see other men, not yet. She didn't want to hurt him anymore than she had. Sometimes she's sure she hadn't hurt Elliot, he's a confusing guy. Maybe she's just in denial. She never wanted to be a heart breaker, but its bound to happen when you live forever. Maybe she should just never get close to a man ever again. Would that solve her problems?
When Jocelyn saw that she was speeding by 30 km an hour, she loosened her foot. She didn't want to get hurt. She was immortal, but most other people weren't, and she'd still feel the pain of a broken arm or a scrape on her elbow. When she neared the Labyrinth, she came to a full stop, the weight of her body shooting forward. She had never been inside before. She couldn't see the labyrinth yet, but she imagined it on the other side of the wall of tree's. She parked, shoved the keys in the pockets of her shorts, and stepped out. She hesitated for a moment. She had planned on going inside with a couple of her friends, but she couldn't get a hold of any of them. She had nothing better to do, right? She left her jeep in plain sight of the road and walked toward the trail that would lead her to the labyrinth.
Now she had been in the labyrinth for about 20 minutes. She could smell the moss that clung desperately to the stone walls of the labyrinth as she walked through. The walls stood taller than her head, by about a couple of feet. Every step had a sound, a crunch of some dead old leaves from last year. She looked up at the sky and took in a big breath. The sky was hidden by a thick layer of clouds, and it threatened to rain. It was spring, after all. We were all just waiting for it to rain. Maybe she shouldn't be here after all. She started to feel cold and she hugged her sweater around her body as she walked onward. Determination pushed her, and she wanted to see the cabin inside. It was described as scary. Would it scare her? The scary thing was just a rumor. She had to see for herself.
So when she found herself at the center of the maze, she was surprised. The cabin just looked like an old cabin from years ago, leaves blanketing the top roof , vines climbing up the sides. She twisted her mouth in a disappointed expression and walked up to the door. She pushed it open slowly, the hinges squeaking rather loudly. She hadn't heard a sound after she shut off her engine. She took a couple steps inside the building when she stopped dead and gasped. She hadn't expected anyone to be inside when she saw Elliot. For a very short moment she wasn't sure what to do before she turned around and started walking out the door. She didn't know what else to do, and knew how pathetic this must have looked.
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Post by Elliot Stii... on Mar 12, 2009 18:22:14 GMT 9
  So You Never Know, Never Never Know
never know enough till it's over love
'til we lose control system overload Screamin', No No No N-No?!
It was simply one of those days. Everyone had them and it seemed as if everything that could ever possibly go wrong did. Plus it all happened in order from bad to worse just like it typically did and add some unwanted stress from past and outside sources and that is just the icing on the cake. Elliot was having one of those days, it wasn't a bad day just an off day. Everything was off, routine and attitude included that linked everything together. He got absolutely nothing from the literature lecture today and couldn't possibly see how he was suppose to turn in the essay that they expected him to do. There was no way he was going to be able to write and concentrate on what was suppose to go on the paper and keep unwanted information inside. His mind was preoccupied with more important though not at all academic things.
Things like Jocelyn and how these recent weeks has been affecting him way more then he would have liked. It wasn't more then it should have because considering the situation he assumed anyone would have been upset about it, but with a personal standard he was disappointed. Elliot didn't like to linger on trivial or negative things but this wasn't exactly trivial. It mattered quite a bit to him and the more he tried to ignore the situation and pretend as if he didn't care the more it affected him. People were noticing and he has been getting complaints that he acted cold towards his friends. He isn't the most friendly person in the world, mostly because he likes to be able to hear his thoughts, but he isn't cold either. So such a change was very noticeable. The most complaint came from his sister who often barged in with a very annoying scream of 'ellie' then a barrage of insults.
Those didn't help the off days either and between trying to convince everyone that he was fine and ignoring his sister who obliviously continued to make things worse, he just decided that he needed a break. A break from the college and a break from persistent annoying roommates that kept trying to get him to hook up with people that bored him and a break from the muddled mess of a mind that Jocelyn created. He was trying so very hard to not think of her in a bitter way but it just kept getting increasingly harder to do so. There was way too many things left unsaid between them and the girl avoided him as if he carried some disease. It was a bother and when he decided that he didn't care then he was off and just kept getting worse. He didn't want to be angry at her, yea it was upsetting but Elliot didn't want to turn into one of those clingy guys who kept whining over an ex. Unfortunately, since he was so incredibly confused about everything and still demanded an explanation it was slowly turning into that situation.
Today he would dismiss and avoid it. Nothing worked the way they were suppose to in an off day and the only place he could think of for some quiet was the cabin in the forest. He's been there before, numerous times and it was a last resort. When nothing else fit and he needed somewhere that no one would ever think to look then he wandered into the forest. Though it did bother him a bit that he passed out the house of Chi along the way but Elliot quickly pushed out of his mind. The cabin was his safe haven and after being in there for some time he has finally started to calm down. His mind was still muddled and distracted and the words on the page of the book that he was reading for class all seemed to run together. But there was nothing he could do about it, it was one of things that needed to just pass on their own.
It was about an hour or so of being in the quiet cabin when he suddenly distracted. The squeaking of the door was enough to grab his attention and force him to stare forward at what was causing the sound. Then in walked Jocelyn and the off day suddenly shifted. It either was now going to be very or very good but from where he stood looking amazed it was hard to make a decision. It was a sudden shock at not seeing her for so long that caused him to just stare and wonder if she really was standing in the same place as him. Then she turned to leave and he realized that this was really happening. Again she would try to avoid him and Elliot already muddled and off decided that he wasn't going to deal with that right now. How did she expect him to move on if they didn't talk about what the hell happened.
He stood up quickly pushing the wooden chair aside to follow her to the door. Elliot reached forward as the walked half turned into a jog in order to catch her before she went outside. "wait" He said unsure of what else he should say in this situation. He's never really had the opportunity to stop her before so this one had to work perfectly. "I'm not going to eat you if you talk to me" The words came out before they could be helped and sounded ironic since he was indeed speaking to a vampire. He held around her wrist fast so that he could actually get her to stay. "Please?" Elliot added not sure what else he could say since he couldn't exactly force her to speak to him and this was all that he could think of.
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Post by Jocelyn Hideaki on Mar 12, 2009 19:25:56 GMT 9
i've been roaming aroundALWAYS LOOKING DOWN AT ALL I SEEpainted faces, fill the places i cant reach
A thousand Emotions flowed through Jocelyn's head when she saw Elliot. She felt excited, happy, sad, upset, nervous, and a little depressed. He was a beautiful guy, and he always made her feel nervous and a little unworthy. Obviously, that hasn't changed. Her feelings are so mixed now, that she cant trust them anymore. She depends on her friends a lot, but even they seem to be giving her the cold shoulder for dumping Elliot like she did. She remembers when she encountered him, her heart was beating so fast, her hands were shaking. Its three years gone, and three years that she would not call a waste. If she could go back, she'd want to do it all over again. If she could go back, would she avoid it, for Elliot's sake? Or rather, for her own sake. She hates breaking up with people, she feels like she's abandoning them. She usually feels abandoned when she's dumped by a guy she's been going out with for more than a while.
Not that she had many long term relationships.
She narrowly avoids them, and for good reason. This mess that she and Elliot are in is not exactly one that could be cleaned up easily. She's been holed up in her room a lot lately back at the Chi house. Texting her close friends, afraid of the people she and Elliot were both close to. She didn't want them to chose sides, but wanted to keep Elliot out of her everything. It was too emotional. She didn't want emotional pain. This thing she had with Elliot is probably the most serious relationship she's ever been in, and she can't allow it to go any further. She couldn't. She wouldn't. What if her friends felt like they had to choose sides? Then they would go to his side, most certainly. That is what she would want, anyway. She gave Elliot the best of her everything, and Elliot was great for her too. That was the last thing she wanted, was for him to feel like he was dumped by everyone.
So Elliot deserved the best, and he deserves an explanation. A good explanation. Why couldn't she give one to him? He did need to move on, and Jocelyn knows he could. Many girls had fallen at his feet before, and she was sure they were now. She felt jealous, but she would not allow the feeling to pass through. Elliot wasn't exactly easy to get anyway. Ah, stop it Jocelyn. He's not yours anymore. As she walked past the door frame, she felt his hand on her wrist and she stopped. She tugged away slightly, but it was hardly noticeable. Don't do this to me. Her forehead wrinkled in sadness as she refused to turn her head. The sound of his voice felt like home, but.. No, she kept thinking. No. I can not break up with a guy then just say never mind, take me back. That's the worst thing a girl can do, and she has a perfectly good reason for ending the relationship. At least, she thought she did.
The sighed and turned around, looking into his eyes. Well, of course you're not going to eat me, I might eat you though. The thought was funny in her head, but she did not laugh, did not giggle as she normally would. "But ..." She breathed, her voice sounding weak. "Elliot.." She said, frowning. She looked to the floor and searched for words. She felt like a child who's dad found her doing wrong, like a sister who had just slapped her brother, and a girl who had just dumped her boyfriend. She felt guilt, regret, false hope.She let her hair fall to the sides of her face as she stared at his shoes. Why was she acting like this? She was a strong woman, and she must act that way. This is what her father taught her. Elliot need and explanation though, and she could see that plainly now.
"I.. I guess you do deserve an explanation." She finally said, taking her arm back and wrapping her sweater around herself again. She ignored the cold and walked over to where he was sitting and sat. She rubbed her eyes first, then looked up and said "Ask anything." What else could she say? She couldn't exactly break the eggshell and just gush everything out. Things could come out as insults, and sound different from how she wants them to sound. She cared for Elliot and that will never change, but she couldn't allow herself to go any further to the emotional damage if they did spend the rest of their lives together. Plus, Elliot would have dumped her somewhere down the line, or cheated on her or something. She knew a lot about men, and she often expected the worst from them. She didn't want to be so attached then have her heart broken.
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Post by Elliot Stii... on Mar 13, 2009 3:16:54 GMT 9
I'm Not Lovin' You The Way I Wanted To
see i wanna move but can't escape from you
so i keep it low keep a secret code So Everybody Else Don't Have To Know
He still couldn't decide if this was life throwing him a bone for a glimmer of a good day or not. Perhaps it was life just messing with him by bringing her here on the day that he was trying so hard to avoid her. Either way it didn't really matter, whichever reason this was happening Elliot wanted to make the best of it. Though he didn't think anything good could actually come off of this, they were still broken up after all. It wasn't as if they could just get back together and honestly he wasn't sure whether or not he wanted to at this point. The weeks that went by have made it so that he was able to think and though most of it was upset and muddled the same thing still rang through. The ending was much too cruel for him to go through it again. Yes he still loved her. That he was positive of but he didn't know if that love meant he would do it again. Elliot wasn't a person who opened up very often and this proved that he had a good reason not to.
So if one could turn back the hands of the clock, it was a matter of considering if the good outweighed the bad. At this point, considering there was no closure between them he was saying no it didn't. The means to an end met nothing because the end was too abrupt. That was why he wanted to speak to her because Elliot was sure that if he continued to think in such a way that he might grow to hate her. He didn't want to hate Jocelyn because what he felt was too strong and if it turned into resentment then it would be much too intense for either of them to handle. But Jocelyn... seemed to not realize that she was on the verge of causing such a reaction because she continued to avoid him, but he wasn't going to let her anymore. There was only so much that a person could take after all.
It pained him to stare at her as she turned too look at him seeming so hesitant. But he couldn't let go, not even with the tugging because this was too important. It was tiring that he couldn't get passed this, he was upset with himself and honestly it was a selfish thing of Jocelyn to do. He knew that she was hurt too, obviously, she didn't have an ice box for a heart but he wished that she would show it more. Act as if she's affected at least instead of continuing to run away from him and not telling him why. He felt as if he has been left in the dark. It was impossible to simply walk out of it by himself considering there seemed to be a hole he was plunging into. Elliot refused to be one of those people, he would get over this. Jocelyn wasn't everything... not anymore.
She breathed and looked down but Elliot still kept his gaze fixed on her. It was confusing to not know how he should be feeling right now. The only emotion that was evident was confusion, there wasn't even any real pain anymore. It was masked by the bitter numbness that seemed to have sunken through during the much too long weeks. He noted the defeated weak sound of her voice as she spoke his name and the different composure that meant that he won. Good, finally, he was glad that they could actually get somewhere. He gave a small sigh of relief even as she pulled her arm away to wrap around herself and walked away from him to go sit. He felt glad now, that he's actually accomplished standing with Jocelyn peacefully for a bit. He honestly never really thought of what would happen if they ever were in private again, he just knew that something needed to.
"Ask anything."
That wasn't what he was expecting from her but it was better then nothing. Now it meant that he actually had to think of something. His mind was too muddled, the only question that he had for her was why. That was it, simple and straight. Why would she just choose to end it so quickly and why did it feel like there was something he was missing. Why did she choose to act like she didn't care even if he knew, or hoped, that she did. Why did she let it go on for so long. Just why and more why, and Elliot didn't know where to start. There was no possible way for him to word the question without sounding completely heart broken. He decided he wasn't going to speak like that anymore. As a writer he was suppose to be able to keep his feelings inwards and express them elsewhere, that is how he felt. He couldn't bring himself to speak and complain and whine when it wouldn't change anything. He didn't even know if he wanted anything changed anymore, the damage was done.
"You could've... warned me" He ended up saying before the words could be held back and he took a deep breath. That was probably the biggest problem for him, he felt that this whole thing took him by surprised. That was what made it hurt so much because he had foolishly believed that everything was perfect but this obviously proved that he missed something down the line. Like he was lied to or just stupid to figure it out on his own. Both were feelings that he didn't welcome. "I think its worst that you didn't hint at anything... I can't figure out what happened" and that was the truth. That was what most of his thoughts were spent on, trying to figure out when his love for her became too strong and different from hers. When he got too attached to actually let something like this happened to him, he truly did think they were happy but now... "Did I... do something...?" For the first time probably since childhood he felt insecure.
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